So I have a friend, who is half-black and half-Mexican. Really that could only be worse luck if he was half-Mexican and half-Arab instead, he’d be an Americans worse nightmare. We’ll call him Terrance right now, for no other reason than he hates that name and I’m hoping one day he’ll read this when I’m about half a country away.

Now Terrance and I go way back, like further than the East coast West coast beef, which admittedly isn’t that far back, but we both grew up in the late 90’s and the 00’s so I couldn’t really make the joke about Raekwon that I wanted to. We’ve got a lot of stories behind us, and while at the moment we’ve got a couple states and mismatched schedules keeping us apart, I’m still going to be one hell of an uncle for his kids if he can ever find a lady willing to fall for his brand of…charming, let’s leave it at that.

So one of the most memorable racist moments in our adventures, was a nice little story about a white woman and her two adopted kids, one of which was Oriental and the other Black. It was very obvious this woman had not popped those two brats out of her coochie, and it was also rather obvious that she had “my black baby isn’t going to be like those black children” syndrome by the way she acted.

If you don’t know what “not my black baby” syndrome is, it’s a condition that afflicts white women and men who adopted black babies ’cause they think they’re colorblind so of course the rest of the world is and thus it’s okay for them to adopt a black baby without having ever been around black culture, except for that one guy at their office who is black and who every white person at work is friends with. Pretty much these new parents of this black or other non-white baby fear going in to the inner-city for the unknown reason to them of it just not being white enough, however they claim it’s just because it’s a bad neighborhood. So what happens is that they consider their child not to be part of that culture, because the child is theirs and because they are white that means their child is white by proxy. Now usually what this leads to is the kid being a full grade coconut that has a huge chip on their shoulder, and usually they do worse financially than their parents because they are black to everyone else in the world. Sometimes these kids do better than their parents, but they will always be more than a little confused about race relations because of how their parents act towards black people who aren’t token enough.

This lady is pushing her two brats around in a stroller at first, but than the black kid wants out, and being the upper middle-class mom this lady is, she lets the kid out and goes back to doing something she considers more important. This kid, who at other times might have been a perfectly cool person to be around, decided that his life mission was to start knocking shit down. Now this was in the poor part of town where mama’s would beat their kids until they couldn’t cry no more if they started doing stupid shit like this, however because of the recent condo development on the other side of town, we had gotten a lot of rich white mommies who decided that punishing your kid was bad, but so was explaining to them that they affected the world and people around them. So being the fine upstanding citizen I am, I ignore it all and hope the kid stops being so goddamn loud.

Of course the little fucker has to run smack in to Terrance, and instead of apologizing he kicks my friend in the knee. I kick back hard enough to probably leave a bruise and than I tell the kid that he should apologize because what he’s feeling now is what he wanted my friend to feel, and grown ups do a hell of a lot worse than be physically violent with you when you do something that pisses them off. The mother of course freaks out, because hey I just kicked her child regardless of my reasons. Mom’s can’t just stand by and let that happen. Now here’s where things get complicated.

The mother is screaming at us about kicking her darling “Dexter”, and about how we were no better than bullies. I call her an idiot and went to walk away from the fight I knew it was going to turn in to. She called Terrance a “nigger” before we could even walk two steps. Everyone in hearing distance stopped.

Before Terrance or I could even turn around to slap a gavacho, a black woman with a kid of her own spoke.

“Do you think that your baby won’t be called that? Actually with you as his mama people are going to say a lot worst.”

The woman looked like someone had just told her they were going to dissect a live kitten in front of her. Another woman was able to respond before Ms. “not my black baby” was able to though, and told her it was probably best that she left. The white lady said that “it was illegal to threaten [her] with violence”, and everyones response was that they weren’t saying that, but if she did want to get her ass kicked staying around was a good way to do that.

She picked up her black baby and went to leave with both her children. “My son is never going to act like you people.” She said that as she left, and I was surprised no one killed her honestly.

I wish the best to her kids though, gods know it isn’t going to be easy for them to grow up in that type of situation.